A lot of people think being in a triad (or throuple, as some folks call it) must be hot. Like, super, scorching hot. And it is incredibly hot… but not for the reasons you might think.
First of all, I’m not going to talk about my sex life, so no worries (but, yes, I’m happier than I’ve ever been with it, thanks to polyamory). Second, I don’t want anyone who reads my blog for the genealogical content to be put off by this. But I would like to share a few things because we can always use more polyamory-positive voices.
Many people wonder how polyamorous relationships “work” and I have to say that I never thought I would find myself in one. My attitude toward them used to be, “It’s not my thing, but I think it should be a thing and I’m glad it is, because we’re all different.” So I’ve always been poly-friendly anyway. In fact, I wanted an open marriage the first time around, however my ex believed in imposing an OPP (poly definition: one penis policy), and that doesn’t work for me.
I come from a privileged background, insofar as I’ve never had to be in the closet for any reason, including my religion (Pagan) or my sexual orientation (pansexual). I’ve had romantic attractions to and involvement with people of various genders, and I am also strongly kink-oriented.
Now that we got the what I am out of the way, let’s talk about who I’m with and why I love it so much. Again, what makes a triad wonderful might not be what you expect.
I have two male partners/significant others. If you’ve fallen in love, you know it’s equal parts terrifying and exhilarating. Being in love with more than one person is tricky, unless you dig into and embrace ethical non-monogamy, and commit to relationships that are fair to everyone involved.
What do I love so much about this relationship? It gives me an added sense of security, the knowledge that I have the emotional support of two partners, not just one. There’s something inexplicably freeing about know I have this polycule to support me with all this love. It’s as simple as that.
This, of course, is what makes any romantic relationship wonderful, regardless of whether it’s monogamous or not. I also lean a little bit toward relationship anarchy, because it’s a mindset that I can get behind – almost fitting in to the Heroine’s Journey archetype, where the main character of the story develops a support system that helps her accomplish what needs to get done.
My nesting partner (the person to whom I am married) is NOT more important than my other partner/significant other. This isn’t hierarchical and one partner does not take priority over another. Instead, we take everything as it comes, giving support and love and attention to each other always, but if someone is having a bad day or big challenge, we’re there for them. And since we all face bad days, big challenges, and more, so our “turns” all come.
So if you were anticipating some big, special revelation about why being poly is fantastic, I’m sorry to let you down. What makes this relationship so hot is how loved, supported, and protected I feel by the other people in it.
We also have different things to offer each other in the relationship. Each of my significant others has different qualities that I value. One is more introverted and pensive than the other. One is a more complementary foil for my playfulness. And, yes, one of them is also into genealogy. Lucky me! Yes, sexual compatibility is important, too, and those bases are definitely covered here.
I am also protective of both of my significant others, perhaps because I’m the dominant person in the relationship(s). However, the main thing that makes my triad so hot is knowing that they are both here for me, and each other. There are many relationship paradigms and dynamics,. As long as the dynamic you are in is loving and supportive, as well as fair and ethical to you and the other people involved, then that is what matters. <3